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A Day In The Purbecks

"Only a complete fool would get up at this hour" I muttered as I peered at the clock through bleary eyes. However the thought of a great days cycling soon perked me up and before long I was in the Fiesta, touching 40 at times on the Islands broad empty roads.

Having picked up Dave Hollis, we met the rest of the "crew" at Yarmouth and Martin Sayer, my other ‘car-mate’ helped us load the bikes. It would have been easier if the rack had actually been designed to take the three bikes we were trying to force on it. Of course the lights were totally obscured, but I made up for that, by fixing up a crudely painted number plate which I felt sure would convince any Policeman that I really was a responsible citizen.

As we left the Ferry, the front wheels stayed on the ground, which was my main worry and soon the car was purring along. Unfortunately it was purring like a 30 year old asthmatic cat and although I didn’t tell the others I was secretly wondering when the engine would fall out. I turned the radio up to hide any upsetting noises.

A day in the Purbecks

We arrived in one piece, went over on the Sandbanks Ferry, rode up and up and down the Purbecks, came back on the Sandbanks Ferry, had some free grub, a great time and all in roaring sunshine. Then came the drive back. About five minutes into the journey, Dave became worried. "Where’s my jacket?" We glanced round the car and noticed the garment hanging on the bikes. It looked secure so we left it. I was thinking we may as well put a banner on the back of the car saying “Dear Mr. Policeman please pull me over and charge me with 17 various motoring offences leading to a driving ban! As we sped through Bournemouth at 30, I heard a siren gaining on us. It went past, but I wish I’d known that before I filled my pants!

Richard decided to spice things up a bit on the way back by putting on a stunning display of the motorists art. I never thought I’d see a Subaru 550cc van thrown round a corner on two wheels with such style and grace. It was a manoeuvre which even Damon Hill on ‘crack’ wouldn’t have attempted. Well done mate.

At the Lymington ferry terminal we spotted a mountain bike, the prize for some competition. We circled it like Lions round a wounded Antelope, probing for weaknesses. Richard decided to test the weight, not realising it was bolted down. During the struggle the bike began to topple, naturally all the 'lads' ran off leaving Mandy to take the 'rap'. She knew we were only joking and forgave us instantly.

On the Ferry I had an urge for a sausage roll. I thought I found one but it turned out to be an ingot of lead covered in pastry. I don’t know where they got it but if they’d dropped a few million of them on Chernobyl it would have sealed it forever.

All in all it was a good days riding as well as a "rite larf" and definitely recommended.

Alan ‘Roadie’ Rowe.

If you have an amusing story, be it a wipeout, a holiday, or a ride write-up, please contact fun@extremists.co.uk

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